I recently joined yet another online dating site, which has proven to be a great source of entertainment for me in the past week.
In the first few days after I joined, I received such charming messages as these*:
Hi how r u?? I read your profile and would love to get to know you. Wanna get to know me???
hey whats up i like to chat wit u some more hit me back if ud like to talk
These messages (and many others like them) made me cringe, so I eventually added this to the bottom of my profile:
You Should Message Me If...
... my profile looks interesting to you and you think we might hit it off.
... you're looking for something more serious than a casual relationship.
... you can successfully and consistently type the full word "you" (instead of "u") when you write to me (yup - I'm a grammar nerd).
One might think that such clear instructions might solve my problems, but alas...
why dont u answer me :(
hmmmm… let me think…
Subject: but 'you' requires more effert than 'u'
I have bad hands thats why i write 'u' sometimes. Hope you can forgive me.
(Scores points for creativity, but... no.)
and you...r ADORABLE :)
(Not sure if that's supposed to be "you" "r" or "you're" but either way Chris, I can't bring myself to respond.)
And there are other spelling issues too:
Please be spontanious, passionet, happy, and an overall good person.
I am looking for someone that I would be attracted too that is fun and outgoing.
(Subtle error, but still…)
I am a 40 year old teacher/coach with impeccable grammer, haha. Anyways, you seem nice and I'd like to talk more if you would.
(Ummmm... Coach? Your "grammer" might be fine, but your spelling, notsomuch.)
Then there are the punctuation (or lack thereof) issues...
Hi.i don't know why.I keep looking at you pic..
you look interesting?
see you soon.
(Perhaps the most creatively punctuated message I've ever received.)
hey whats i like your profile alot and was wondering if you would like to talk sometime if your interested let me know talk to you later bye
(easily the least punctuated message I've ever received)
Or the combination disaster messages:
I know what you mean. And its funny, Ive thought of abreviations; like "U" instead of you. And Ive' thought, maybe if your really trying to meet someone. For a lasting relationship. Using the word "you" is more well appropriate. If your in a chat room talking to whoever-whoever? thats ok:) Just funny that u mentioned that. I wonder if other guys are as enlightened about that?....probubly not like u said.
( silence )
Or just the really strange messages:
TOPIC ONE,TOPIC TWO,TOPIC THREE
Ok, Here are three sincere and fun topics for you from a true future friend and entertaining person in your neighborhood .... Massachusetts.
I will give you three interesting topics quickly ....
TOPIC ONE: I wrote this poem to a beautiful woman on here today because her profile gave me these feelings.
Feelings Of Spring
I Love The Beauty In your Eyes.
I Love The Vision Of your Mind.
I Love The Power Of Your Faith.
I Love The Innocence Of Your Youth.
I Love The Scent Of Your Body.
I Love The Passion In Your Heart.
I Love The Integrity Of Your Spirit.
I Love The Pleasure Of Your Touch.
TOPIC TWO: I am developing a Business Plan for a (DELETED) STARTUP Company where I am the CEO. So I study (DELETED) & (DELETED) & (DELETED) & (DELETED) these days.
TOPIC THREE: I was in a startup previously ... cashed out three Million ... took a few years off and spent it ...
.... so you can imagine how I feel now ....
.... like a goofball who spent 3 Million Dollars
having fun and enjoying life.
What kind of way to spend your life is that ;)
(Oh, Aaron. Though I do love a poem sent to me but written for another, I’m going to have to pass.)
Despite the evidence above, there are a few men who have managed to pass my difficult screening process. No dates yet, but stay tuned for more adventures…
* All messages above copied and pasted with no alterations to spelling or grammar. Names and identifying details have been changed, however.