Monday, January 21, 2008

Here I Go Again...

Last year, my New Year's resolution was to start dating again. I realized in the fall that I wasn't going to be able to meet people in my program (99.9% female) or at my internship (95% female) and decided that it was finally time to start dating online. I had many entertaining tales from those days, but no dates that actually went anywhere. Outside of online dating I found a great guy I liked and took some time to pursue that relationship, but that didn't work out either, and I spent the end of 2007 psyching myself up to jump into the online dating world again in 2008.

Well, here we are more than half-way through the first month of 2008 and I am going on my first date of the year tonight. Am I excited? Not really. Nervous? Definitely not. I think the word that best describes my attitude towards this date (and all future dates) is "determined." Determined to start dating again (and knowing that the only way to do that is to actually go on dates). Determined to push through the "maybe Great Guy will get his shit figured out and we can date" fantasy and to get back in the game so that I can see that there are plenty of other great guys out there. Determined to do something... anything... to feel proactive instead of passive in the dating world.

So, as with all of my online dating experiences so far, I am not feeling particularly optimistic that this will go anywhere, but I think that I have to keep my expectations low in order to keep my sense of humor in tact.

This time around, I'm trusting my gut more and allowing myself to cut off communication earlier with people, rather than having a gut feeling that they're a bad match, but pursuing communication and perhaps a meeting on the off-chance that my gut is wrong. If I learned anything last year, it was that my gut is rarely wrong. So this year, I'm eliminating the matches without photos (I'm showing my photo, so you'd better be showing me yours). I'm eliminating the men who use too "lol" or emoticons in their profiles. I'm eliminating anyone who gives one-word answers to essay questions. I'm eliminating anyone who answers the question "how much alone time do you need?" with the answer "None - I like to spend all my free time with my partner."

And (call me an elitist if you want), I am eliminating the men who can't spell. This isn't about typos. This is about the email that I just got that was 8 sentences long with 4 spelling errors and 3 grammatical errors.

So look for some entertaining updates on the zillions of first dates I have waiting for me in 2008. It helps me through the bad dates to know that I will have entertaining blog entries to write when I get home.

9 comments:

The Burger said...

Good fer you! A good frend once said, "The Universe responds to action." I think "going for it" will, won way or another, lead you to the dude you deserve. (and who deserves you!)

Just maek sure you go with you're gut, like you said, and only bringing home the people who take the time to communicate smart, and aren't secretly the gay.

good luk!

brushfiremedia said...

Burger, you shmoo! I was going to write sumthing jest like that, butt you beet me before it. Now eye hayte u.

Fibby: as always, you rock! Best of luck on round two.

Meesh said...

You're a brave woman, Phoebe! Online dating is scary and exhausting but I hold out hope that sometimes it works out (the jury's still out for me, but that's a different story.... ; ) I'm totally with you on the bad spelling and grammar. Good luck!

On another note, are you planning on seeing The Grift this Saturday at the Paradise? I have a race the next day nearby and was thinking of going.

Happy first day of school!

phoebe said...

Meesh - I'll be at the show for sure. Trying to recruit any Midd Kids who are around, but haven't found many people yet... Perhaps I'll see you there???

girltues said...

lol!! i have the same requirement! :)

i have nothing interesting to blog about in the dating department (just full-on disasters that don't even qualify as "dates"), so i hope you keep us posted.

whendidigrowup said...

We're going up to Boston soon, JP, and since I haven't seen you in the better part of a decade . . . wanna meet my daughter?

Also, two of the people we're going to see met online and are getting married in the spring. You can rub his stomach for good luck - just not when the wife is looking.

-Art

gt. said...

oh and also: hyperactive punctuation is also bad!!!!!! .......... as is the improper useage of ......... an ellipsis..........

Meesh said...

PS: if you want to bring a Match.com date to the show I'd be happy to shake him down...I'm getting good at it! : )

Gberd said...

Dearest Phoebe,
You are not being elitist. You are simply being right. And let's not stop there. Equally deserving of elimination: men (or women, of course) who text message their way through regular email ...

U R so gr8t. Lets get 2gether again, K?

Clearly, I spend too much time in the company of eighth graders. And I can't imagine anyone our age committing such an appalling offense. But you never know.

Anyway, a close friend out here is getting married this summer to someone she met online. They're the perfect couple!