Angst-Ridden Poetry of My Younger Days

My cousin shared that her favorite form of self-care is to do bad watercolors while watching old movies, which reminded me that there was a time in my past when I wrote really bad poetry as an outlet for my emotions. So this morning before breakfast I dug out my old journal and read through some of the poems. 

There's quite a collection, and some of it is really bad ("I'm sitting next to the fire, but I'm shivering, and I can't tell if it's the fault of the open door or my numb heart"). I am throwing out any bit of ego I might have had to share these next few gems with you, but it's worth it for the laugher I know I'm bringing to the world. 

I. Water Stain (absolutely the worst poem ever written)

There is a water stain on my ceiling

It just showed up one day

Or did it?

When I saw it

   I wasn't sure

      If it had just appeared

      Or if it had been there all along and only just been noticed

The building manager says

That once it is dry up there between

   The ceiling

   And the floor above

He'll tear it all out and replace it

But I don't see how one could tear out

   Only a little ceiling (or floor)

   And wall (since it dripped down)

Without making a terrible mess

Funny thing, but just after noticing the stain

I found myself noticing you, who just showed up one day

   Or did you?

Perhaps you were there all along

Either way, I like you better than the stain

   And hope you'll stay

Long after the ceiling that is my upstairs neighbor's floor

   Gets a makeover

II.

I'm not sure what that was...

   The one-night stand

      The emails

         The phone calls

But I do know that I enjoyed it

And that I haven't giggled like that

   In bed

      On the phone

         As I walk down the street

In a very long time

So thank you

III. Pittsburgh

 

"A companion," she said, "is all I want

   someone to laugh with and talk with anytime"

"An on-call cuddler," I suggested

   And she laughed and agreed

And though we're thousands of miles away

   All of the sudden, we feel so close

Together in our alone-ness

...

And as I hold the phone to my ear

   A thousand miles away, I hear a sob

And from a thousand miles away, I extend my arms

   And wrap them around her

And the distance between us disappears

   and for a moment

      we are not alone

IV. Bird

Once there was a girl, who I will call "Bird"

   (for that is what I called her, actually)

And I loved her

   (for she was my friend)

And that girl is all grown up 

   (well mostly, anyway)

And I still call her "Bird" and I still love her

   (for she is still my friend)

V. Banoffee

You burned yourself tonight

I heard the crash and yelp

   from my seat on the couch

And I jumped up and ran to the kitchen

To see you with your finger under the cold running water

   cursing

And then I went and sat back down

  For there was nothing I could do but watch

And I was pretty sure you didn't want an audience

But I do know that the dessert which you are making

   (and for which you sacrificed the use of your finger for the next week)

Is going to be quite tasty.

VI.

I love fiercely

I live scared

What am I scared of?

That someone might love me fiercely back?

Or that he won't?